An Idea For A New Church

At some point in a reasonable man’s life, he will think deeply about ways of making himself filthy rich within the shortest time possible. As a reasonable man, that point came to me about three years ago. I thought deeply and decided that I was going to start my own religion. However, just like Robin Cooper, I encountered one major problem – what to believe in.

Upon thinking further, I realized I would need a sacred book that would be a reference point for my religion, assuming I settled on what to believe in. It would still be an uphill task considering the fact that other religions have had centuries of a head start. It would simply be impossible to catch up with them.

But I dreamt on. I banked on one Greek philosopher’s wise words – no human is limited. Like a reasonable man, I called up my religious council into a secret conclave to contemplate the matter further. One of the members, which was I, brought up a very important question. He asked us solemnly:

“Supposing we start our own religion, we would need a religious book, right?”

We all nodded in agreement.

“Supposing we would write we own, how will we explain the mystery of man’s existence? What would be our theory?”

It was impossible, we said, but still wanted to know why the member asked the question.

“Well, I suppose that’s the only way to make it believable to the gullible masses.”

After a long meeting that lasted approximately three minutes, we all agreed that we need to have a few drinks. The matter was swiftly forgotten after the third drink. The meeting was adjourned indefinitely and we blamed it squarely on gengetone.

After a long time, we all reached a consensus that starting a new religion would be a daunting prospect. The reason was simple: we could not find a manual online!! We could not believe that Google could miss extremely important piece of information. Trust google to let you down when you need it most.

We assessed our options and settled on what seemed an easier option. We could start our own church. Looking around, we noted that there are churches run by people who are not that bright. How could we fail, with all our brains? We only needed it to stand out as much as possible. It is a business, we argued, and our product must be quite remarkable. It would have to outshine all other churches and make us extremely rich in no time.

As we think about the market entry strategy, the religious council (I, Me, and Myself) are out there to take one for the road hoping that we do not forget about this strategy.

Footnote

(You have seen how Owuor is filthy rich. Damn it, man. I wanna be that rich. I want to buy my second private jet. Pssst! The Enemy is Poverty, and Arsenal, and …..you may add your own).