Poverty Is A Sin

What if, pray tell, we discover one day that poverty was a sin all along? Well, it will be too late then but just think about it. As for me, I do not want to wait until it’s too late. An ancient Greek philosopher said ‘mapema ndio best’ and these words couldn’t be any truer now than it was back then. 

I have thought deeply about this like any man capable of thinking reasonably from time to time. For that matter, I expect myself to make myself filthy rich with the least amount of effort and within the shortest time possible. You do not have to have a particularly high IQ to reach such an intellectual conclusion. Me, I have purposed to be rich for the past three years or so years. Somewhere along the Adulting Road, I realized that my obsessions cost a lot of money. And just like the next person, I could use a million shillings. 

I do not believe that money cannot buy happiness. Or love. Anybody who tells you that money cannot buy happiness has more money than he ever needs, is terminally ill, or is dead. You must have too much money to make certain conclusions about money. As broke as I am, I am 93.27% sure that money will set me on the path toward happiness. Think about things money can do. Point of correction; think about things a lot of money can do. You could be a complete moron and people will still applaud you. In some extreme circumstances, you might even believe them thinking that you are a “person of the people.” However, when election results are announced, you realize that even your close family members pretend to like you. I think that’s the worst way to use your millions. 

It saddens me to think that there are people who still think that money cannot buy love. I do not blame them. Again, this is a rich-people problem, and they should never ever think that we subscribe to such nonsense. It has been proven scientifically that money can actually buy love. According to Dave Barry, a humor scientist who specialized in a branch of science known as ‘making things up,’ money can buy love – it can buy a lot of high-quality fake love. If you can buy fake love, what is the point of buying low-quality? 

Your worldview does not matter. Money makes life a whole lot better and easier. When you have money and you are bored, you could hire a hitman to kill boredom. And that’s not even the best part – the best part is that you can afford a lawyer (for purposes of this article, a lawyer is anyone who can throw a cocktail of big English and Latin words and wears suits). 

There are so many ways to make too much money and quickly. However, most of them are either illegal or scams. I have lived long enough to know this. There is no point in having millions of money and constantly hiding. It is the main reason we elect people with questionable characters to lead. They have been out there doing ‘shady business deals’ and when they cannot hide anymore they offer themselves up for election. It is the surest way to being untouchable and making even more money quite effortlessly. Pablo Escobar tried it but failed. 

I have tried gambling, only to realize, dismayed, that I was contributing diligently to someone else's next luxury toy. A job works the same way. I have also realized that schools indoctrinate people to accept slavery as the perfect way to live. They no longer have to forcefully enslave you - you willingly accept to be a slave, sometimes you even beg them.  

I know that I do not possess the right gene to create something as big as Microsoft or Facebook. I’ll settle for what has already been invented – religion. The last time I checked, no other brand has ever outsold Jesus since the five-day workweek. I plan to start a church, preach, and people will give me money on behalf of Jesus. And the best part of it is that I can keep it. Why, because poverty might just be another sinner they forgot to include in the bible. Living a good life isn't a sin, it is what you do when living a good life that might be sin. Like making others feel poor about themselves.