Mosquito Nuisance

It’s half past one in the night. Satanic hours, as my former higher school principal used to refer them. As with these times of the night, awake, I normally nourish myself with whatever food that remained after supper. I had eaten githeri, and disregarded its soup which I found too salty. Now I am taking spoonfuls at irregular intervals, feeling as though I have discovered a new exotic culinary delight. Why was I awake at these satanic hours? Well the answer is mosquitoes.

It is one big problem which, I strongly believe, should have been factored in the building bridges initiative, and if not, a commission of inquiry formed with immediate effect to look into these mosquitoes that are giving ordinary Kenyans, who diligently file zero returns every financial year, sleepless nights. Despite magnificent, huge, momentous and gigantic inventions man has ever discovered, these extremely tiny creature was purposefully made to teach human beings to be humble. You could huge and intelligent, God must have been saying when making mosquitoes, but tiny brainless creatures will torture your nights, and you may never discover the vaccine of malaria. And God and the angels burst into prolonged guffaws, which made him forget that he was creating a human being. The error saw Him make Hitler.

I recently came back from the village to Nairobi to run important errands which are keep hustlers company and continue my hatred for mosquitoes. I learned that, despite evidence showing that they do not have brains, these creatures are actually intelligent. Within minutes, they had also landed in droves with their persistent annoying whine close to your ear especially when you are concentrating a particularly serious thought – where do I steal huge amounts of money and never get caught? Without a doubt, mosquitoes are already in the moon waiting for you.

It leaves you to wonder why Jesus died and never took away the annoying mosquito whine. You could have just closed your eyes, and really loud whine, overtaking the supersonic jet, flies close to your ear and off it goes. It was on a reconnaissance mission. The second time it circles your ear looking for a landing spot where it goes silent and deploys its suction tools. So your role is to subvert them by swatting and making serious and laudable efforts namely: missing it. It flies away laughing in mischievous mosquito laughter.

The aforementioned scenario is only idealic – there a billion mosquitoes my friend ready to take a sip of your blood. Thinking of it, why is human blood a mosquito’s only meal? Why couldn’t God make a Christmas thing, leaving them to survive on ugly and useless creatures such as rats and politicians? Just animals that do not have the ability to reason: I don’t want to name names.

If the ecological role of mosquitoes is quite indispensable like, for example, defecating why couldn’t possess at least three functioning brain cells? I base this on the fact that you could wake up in the middle of the night and manually kill them and arrange the dead bodies on the nightstand but they still come in droves. If they had brains they would know that this place is dangerous, and warn others never to step there. At that is the way it is in my ancestral home, Kerio Valley.

You see, in Kerio, you cannot plant maize, sorghum or millet without the intervention of monkeys. And they are very lazy, they don’t help when planting, only showing up when it is ripe. Anyway it is not their problem – they have adopted noble characteristics of certain species of animals known as slayqueens. They wait until its ripe then they wreck havoc. You have to rise as early as six in order to beat traffic…haha…sorry, there is no traffic in the village. You rise up early because monkeys don’t take chances with their laziness. And so you wad them off until you harvest.

However, the monkey problem can be easily be solved by simply killing one and placing the dead corpse on your farm as a warning. Being avid readers, they take seriously such warnings and they never step there generations after generations. Unlike mosquitoes. But they are just like us every election year.

PHOTO/PEXELS