The days of our great grandfathers were the perfect days.
The only struggle one had was growing up. Once you grew up, a bride that had
been selected for you is brought, and you learned to love each other as you
build a family. They gave you cows to start with, and a farm. Not now. In
addition to cramming mathematical formulae that you won’t apply anywhere, you
have to contend with job seeking. It’s frowned upon to be in the village when
you have that degree most covet. For that matter people keep streaming into your
hell hole in the city attending interviews and whatnot. Some, for morbid
curiosity. In this civilized world, it’s prudent to have a few rules to those
who intend to visit. It goes a long way enhancing your visitor’s stay, as well
as yours.
Bring your own
charger
As a visitor never take this important gadget for granted.
You don’t know what phone your host may be using. It could ile ya pin ndogo. Do not be fooled by the fact that your host is
ever online on whatsapp every time you check in, that it is a smart phone he or
she is using. Better yet, some of these phones have the lifespan of an orgasm. Don’t
be an inconvenience. Bring your own charger.
Inform your host of
your special dietary/medical needs
There many things that can go wrong when you consume foods
that you normally don’t ingest. In case of such a scenario, it is critical that
you inform your prospective host so that he or she can send you the budget (it
varies from hood to hood) for your stay to make your stay a little livelier. Otherwise,
you may find out that your host, although many will go out of their way to
prove otherwise, depend on KDF for all their nutritional needs.
Don’t outshine your
host
Once you get there, don’t sneer at the sheer lack of
organization in your host’s house. Don’t comment on the pungent smell that
emanates from secret places. Do not be a hygiene Nazi. If he or she doesn’t
spread his bed, please do not make an attempt to. If he or she does not shower,
please do what Romans do. If he or she sleeps up to ten in the morning, sleep
up to 10.01 am. And most importantly don’t complain, complement your host. It
goes a long way.
Note that you alone
is welcome
It is extremely rude to bring along a friend, or a romantic
partner. You didn’t come all the way from your village to engage in bedroom
conquests, did you? Find a lodging or a dark alley if you can’t afford one. As
a visitor you have no right to have to invite another visitor, not especially
when you expressly stated that you had nowhere to go. Contravening this rule
will be tantamount to treason.
Feel at home does not
mean feel at home
As a matter of fact, when your host tells you to feel at
home, he or she doesn’t actually mean it. People just say it, and it is as
important as those mathematical formulae you learned, or more precisely just as
important as political pledges that we hear every five years. To interpret in
layman’s language, it means get done quickly with whatever brought you to the
city and leave.
Don’t overstay
Finish your business, and leave the following day. It does
no harm if you follow this principle. Even though your host may act like he
wants you around a little longer, he keeps wondering when he can fart
carelessly like he used. It is egregious to overstay. You may overstretch your
host’s budget, and the sad part is that he may not complain because he is aware
that you are messenger to villagers that want to hear so badly how life is
torturing you in the city, just to feel better about themselves.
