There’s a fancy water bottle she carries along. It has the
color of wood. It has water in it, but it’s just an assumption-it could be
liquid oxygen. It seems like it is standard survival procedure for women
nowadays, to carry water bottles all everywhere. It is as if they have special
information that water will run out any day they don’t do it. Joke on them!! We
men just need oxygen, and sometimes beer (insert your favourite poison). She’s
a lecturer, who in my estimation is in her early thirties. At irregular
intervals, she sips from her fancy water bottle, sometimes just opening it to
see if the water has turned into wine.
It’s always a long drawn class, with her monotonous voice
ruling the room. It hovers above heads, from which it leaves vital information
such as ‘let me doze off.’ To keep myself listening, or seeming to be, I have
to stimulate my mind by mentally stripping her, one clothe at a time, just for
the fun of it. Of course I never get there, because she throws a glare at all
the darn time, especially when I am about to flay her. One time she asked a
question in which the class spokespersons had no interest in speaking for us. She
left the room and emerged a few minutes later with foolscaps. And we had to
write an exam. I personally cursed the talkative people who failed us at our
hour of need.
But not this time, I am very alert though. I sit next to a
talkative foreigner, whom I am more than glad he has never discovered the
miracles google can do. He asks questions, answers questions like he is just
about to take over the class. Even then, you would think that such kind of a
person would be nice to be around with, more so when you have no desire of
answering any questions. You are wrong. It is not possible to live without have
a kind of hatred for such a person. Not the hatred that makes you want to shoot
them in the head though, but just a form that you can’t pinpoint. You just know
you hate him, or put more precisely your person desperately want to have a
concrete reason to hate him.
Then bingo!
The lecturer with a fancy water bottle spills the
beans. This whacko has been going around
our backs, asking for assignments. Not once but twice. This is what you’ve been
looking for to hate this person. What kind of person actively seeks to be given
assignments?
In the spirit of people against exams and assignments [PAEA]
he needs to have his head examined for contravening one of the most important
rules; ‘you shall not, in any form whatsoever, display an abnormal love for
exams or assignments, through gallivanting with the lecturer/teacher, for this
is traumatic to some (all of us), unless under extremely unavoidable
circumstances.’
However, the group is very lenient on those who contravene
this rule and a light punishment has been proscribed for offenders. It states
that,’ anyone who contravenes this rule is liable to a mandatory brain
examination, which shall be conducted by highly trained surgeons renowned for
vigorously and relentlessly hitting the offenders’ head until he asks for
forgiveness by collapsing and going limb.’ This punishment has been argued to
so lenient, although the use of guns was banned on the grounds that offenders
had a relatively easy way confessing.
In the spirit of unity and harmony, we do not like
assignments and exams at all. If anything, it should be replaced forthwith with
something less serious like drinking water from fancy water bottles. Even
though it may be indispensable, we would like to proclaim unequivocally that we
do not like it.
