Saturday, 12 January 2019

A Little Girl's Silent Tear


On normal days, I would scan a manyanga first before boarding. It had to meet a tight criterion such as color and design, how loud the engine is when revved, and lastly if I can recognize a tout that once ripped me off. But not that day. I boarded the first and walked straight to the rear, something I wouldn’t do when all by brain cells are in tip top condition.

It was a Saturday. We had unnecessarily binged with a friend the previous day. The things alcohol can make you do are quite terrible. It can make you think you are immune to HIV. But not me. When it comes to women, I draw a line that I do not cross. I had a class that began at 8 am that day. The lecturer was one hell of a woman who considered you late if you check in after she had. And she was always in class ten minutes early.

Having been paid, and having settled all my bills, the next logical course of action would be to grab a drink and then sleep early so that I would wake up refreshed. As I have earlier mentioned, the alcohol in us told us that one was not enough, and we left for the club at one am. We grabbed a mzinga, poured a few shots and left. Dizzily, we maneuvered around the neighbourhood to our keja. And I slept fitfully.

At six am, the alarm began ringing. It felt I had slept for only ten seconds. At first I thought it was not meant for me, but for the ninja we stayed together. I remember cursing him for not rising up to shut the alarm, and head for his day job. But then it occurred to me that the alarm was mine. Guided by alcohol residue, I rose up, washed my face, picked my bag and left for school. I was sure as hell I smelled alcohol. You know how cheap vodkas last for an entire day.

On my way I bought PK to at least mute the smell of alcohol. I made my way to the sixth floor, guided by a heavy head. As usual, I sat at the back and waited for the lecturer to begin the lesson with devotion. It lasted close to ten minutes. It was unfortunate that we were to do a presentation. Luck was not on my side as the people who were to do it decided to abscond the class. It left only me, drunk and unprepared. I tried to plead with the lecturer but she could hear none of it. In fact she turned the class into a motivation one, talking about being prepared a million light years before the actual day.

I think I flouted every single rule she had put in place at the beginning of the semester. When I ended my presentation, the rest of the class was invited to judge it. One dude said I was chewing gum, which was not good. I interpreted this to mean I was disgusting. Another, a lady, spoke of how I had done well, considering the fact that I am an introvert. There being no other business, proceeded to sit. My mind was racing, wanting to another drink to drown the humiliation I had gone through.

Instead of walking t town then catching a mat to my hood, my feet failed to cooperate after receiving classified information from the brain. Ten minutes later, I was at the stage to my hood, where the story actually begins. I am seated at the back, and the touts are shouting: mtu mbili! Wa haraka mtu mbili! At that point some passengers are beginning to alight, and then are paid. How awesome can that be!! Incredibly, passengers filled in and we set off.

Just in front of me sat a couple with two children, a boy and a girl. The man and the woman were separated by the aisle. Both kids sat on the father’s lap, while the big fat woman, whose body spilled on the aisle, sat cozily sipping yoghurt. She was talking to the little girl who I guessed was about seven years old. I didn’t get a word for she was speaking Kikuyu.

The little girl had these really cute eyes that, I guarantee you that, will give men problems when she turns eighteen. The big fat woman sipped her yoghurt, as she talked to the girl. She talked. She talked.

Then, the little girl cried. Not the usual cry. A silent tear cascaded down her chubby cheeks. That tear corroded my heart. It felt like sulphuric acid had been poured on it. At that point, I wanted to know what the fat woman had told her. The father sat quietly, said nothing. I remember the kind of man who wouldn’t defend his children.  

As the journey wore on and people began alighting, a hawker stepped in selling candies. The girls face lit up as he tapped her father, and pointed at the sweets. The father reached into his wallet and retrieved an old fifty shillings note. The little girl picked those chocolate candies. Surprisingly, she shared with the fat lady and her brother. A selfless act. Her father didn’t eat the candies and she had an extra. All the while, the fat old lady spewed her words, words that were silently destroying the little girl’s heart.

But then again I wondered what made the little girl cry. Was she told that she would be slaughtered once they got home? Was she told that she would be adopted by monkeys? Was she told she was as impressive as exotic bacteria? Its never worth it. Kids are beautiful and they are supposed to cry loudly. Not silent tears. I can never understand it for I forgot about her when I sipped my left over vodka.

Mjulubeng


Ever since the damning revelations about the inspiration behind Naiorbi’s landmark, KICC, the term mjulubeng (udogo ni kajulubeng, ukubwa ni kulundeng – for those who don’t know) comes to mind. Sometimes in public, a strange little smile forms in my face, which a psychiatrist would definitely diagnose as the early stages of lunacy. But do I mind? Absolutely not. Because the term mjulubeng is way too hilarious.

This word, mind you, is not a product of random assignments. The person who conjured it up did not excuse himself to that filthy urinal at his local and had a eureka moment. He didn’t open his fly, fish the thing out and as he watched the trajectory of his money [already converted into unusable liquid form, unless for perverted sexual fetish] and had divine inspiration. He then exclaims as he staggers out of the bacteria infested toilet, ‘wow! From now on it’s called mjulubeng.’

No. It is far from it. Balding scientists sat in laboratories [it’s been years and I still say labarotory] for ages, disguised as space researchers, in order to come with this hilarious combination of words that would define a man’s favourite body part – mine is the brain. These scientists came in, day in day out, months in months out as they hammered words together to make this complex word. And every evening, when their wives asked them what they were doing, they calmly said:

“Space research,”  

“You mean you want to go the moon?” a prodding wife asks.

“Sort of,” the balding scientist says curtly.

And so they worked tirelessly, even avoiding alcohol because it would speed up the process. They had lucrative contracts. When they thought they wouldn’t come up with a word according to the specifications given, one of them had an insight: he told the others he was going to have a drink. All of the followed him and their contracts were severed.

But that was not the end.

Sitting in his room at approximately 3.17 am in the morning, wondering how he would write twenty pages due in a few hours, a university student cracked the code, giving birth to the now famous word mjulubeng. It follows that he never wrote 20 pages and decided to dedicate his campus life to making memes and shagging girls with intellectual depth of a fishing rod. He used the word extensively in the memes he created, until it stuck in people’s brains.

And now it is one hilarious word that will last for a long time. Cheers to mjulubeng.

I Stayed Awake


You made me feel like a teenager
Falling in love for the first time
I stayed awake, with a knot in my stomach
Thinking beautiful thoughts
Of you and I, loving each other forever

You weren’t mine, but I loved your laughter
Your laughter spoke to my soul,
I stayed awake listening to its message
Willing myself to sleep in the wee hours of night
And yet, you weren’t mine

I played Trey Songz’s song
A thousand times
Because I thought ‘I couldn’t help but wait
‘I didn’t wanna come between you and your man
Even though I’d treat you better than he could’

You are still out there
Breathing the same air
But in seemingly different hemispheres
Yet your laughter is what my heart still hears

Wednesday, 9 January 2019

The Helpless Children


Smoke rises as homes are reduced to rubbles
Silent sirens awaken the dreams of the dead
Hauled into ambulance are the wounded
And children cry helplessly, forsaken by humanity

Mothers wailing perhaps beseeching God
Asking Him, hopelessly, why He chose the land
A land filled with land mines planted by human cruelty 
They cry to lull their indescribable pains

The bombs still fall, men still load ammunitions
Is freedom this expensive or is it a form of folly
Where dictators order airstrikes to replace rains
Because stones course through their veins

Is there an explanation to human cruelty?
Is there even an excuse to cruelly rob a man’s life?
Is there anything musical about a child’s wail?
Is there anything worth salvaging in ruins?

Gaze At Me With Those Naked Eyes


Gaze at me with those naked eyes
Strip me bare, to my skeleton
Consume me with you undying love
Embrace the chaos in my life
Charm the ruins, salvage the dreams
For if they are worthy for you,
They are to me too

The Footsteps


There were mornings, cold and bitter,
When I sat in that class with a pensive heart
(a heart that had since declared love you)
And my mind wondered what you’d wear
Would it be that tight dress,
The one that enhanced every feature in you
Or a mere trouser that did not arouse any lewd thoughts
But before I could conjure an image
My heart would catch your shoes tapping the floor
And synchronize your footsteps with its beats
All the while chanting, I am in love with you
And, beautifully, you never knew about it

Monday, 7 January 2019

Nobody Is Your Friend

In this city, Nairobbery, nobody is your friend
Everybody is seeking to rob you a few coins
Even if their greatest need is to cool their loins
At dimly lit brothels down at River Road

Do not befriend you mama mboga
Lest the friendship leads you to debt
Work hard, pay everything by your sweat
Here, friends keep a sword behind velvet gloves

In this city, befriend your family
They are the ones who are more concerned
And will part with a little, though hard earned
To see you through a city without friends

In this city, be your own consigliore
Advise yourself accordingly
Lest prurient appetites bring you to ruination
Because you will cry alone, bitterly

But if you must make a friend
Be friends with your money
Be friends with your source of money
Save and spend your money wisely