She left me once and I allowed her to leave
I didn’t fight for us, maybe I didn’t believe
I thought I was so immune to grieve
Sometimes, many times I cried to seek relief
I remember that Monday morning, chilly and cold
She’d be gone for a while and I had a feeling
That someday somewhere I’d be told
The saddest news that’d leave me reeling
I turned my phone on, at six or thereabouts
Previously I had written her a poem
That I had painstakingly labored to write
And I knew I would get a reply, or I hoped
Sure the reply came through
I struggled to adjust my eyes to the blinding light
Then I read her message and heaved
Read once more and hit the delete button
Maybe it would help to think I didn’t receive
Before I could act, she called and asked
“Have you seen the message I sent you?”
I lied I hadn’t seen it, it was better to lie
Than to imagine she was gone
All within a blink of an eye
I had been anticipating that day, though
But it just came too soon for me
“I know how sad it is for you to bear this news….”
You know?!! I fumed inside but just could tell
If she was right beside me, I’d have given her hell
I could have given away everything
Just to take away that feeling
But then how could that have been possible
When she was my everything?
I rose from my bed, without a thought of the cold
Put on my brown heavy jacket, it reminded me
Of cold nights I braved the drizzles drizzled
Just to talk to her on a high ground where
I my phone would catch the network
A chill down my spine- all that had been to vain
And headed out to recharge my phone
I conversed with myself all the way the kiosk
‘I enjoyed all the moments we had together
And I wish you all the best in the new chapter’
No, how about this
‘I didn’t love you anyway
I lied to have sex with you by the way’
That looked worse
‘I have all along suspected you are a whore
I’m glad I’m getting back to my life as before’
No, worst of all
‘How about I love you and I want the best for you
Wherever you’ll go just know that I always was true
I can’t figure out how to love anyone, not ever
Because I was sure you were my forever ‘
That would make her guilty,
Yes, I wanted to make her guilty
‘But she’s gone,’ my conscience tried to argue
‘For better things, for a better life
Or for things you couldn’t provide
That which she’d choose to be a wife’
I was mad at myself, I was mad at things I didn’t do
Things I couldn’t even explain, I just knew there were
things
She loved me, I heard her tell me several times
She said she loved me, I told her the same thing
But then, I felt there was something more to back it up
To reinforce it like steel to concrete
Hoping it wasn’t too late, I told her straight
‘I love you…and I can’t ever figure out
Any being on this earth whom I’ll love like you
Maybe I made mistakes in the past …
…and I want to make it right….just name the price’
She didn’t like hesitate, she told me like she’d rehearsed
“I’m afraid it’s too late for that”
“Why do this to me? Why?”
“You wouldn’t understand….circumstances
Everything is hard right now…..
….and I don’t think you’ll help me
I wish you would but I know you can’t
…just live your life”
Damn money!! Damn the world
Money robbed me the precious
Of all my possessions
The prized among all, love
‘I’ll wait for you,’ I bluttered
I wondered why it wasn’t easy to let go
Chart a new destiny and live life anew
Or get used to be alone
Probably I wouldn’t be too alone
She said she loved me
She’d leave him when things get better
Maybe we could be together
Once more, till forever knocks at our doorstep
It wasn’t the easiest decision I ever made
Days crawled, the sun seemed stuck up the sky
I still asked myself why
Why I wouldn’t let go, to start letting the memories fade
My world was suddenly confined to an ominous gloom
The flowers even in its full bloom spelled doom
And my heart seemed to be giving away slowly
I longed for a way of forgetting things, instantly
But the more I longed the more she became
engraved in my mind
