She Left Me Once

She left me once and I allowed her to leave

I didn’t fight for us, maybe I didn’t believe

I thought I was so immune to grieve

Sometimes, many times I cried to seek relief

I remember that Monday morning, chilly and cold

She’d be gone for a while and I had a feeling

That someday somewhere I’d be told

The saddest news that’d leave me reeling

I turned my phone on, at six or thereabouts

Previously I had written her a poem

That I had painstakingly labored to write

And I knew I would get a reply, or I hoped

Sure the reply came through

I struggled to adjust my eyes to the blinding light

Then I read her message and heaved

Read once more and hit the delete button

Maybe it would help to think I didn’t receive

Before I could act, she called and asked

“Have you seen the message I sent you?”

I lied I hadn’t seen it, it was better to lie

Than to imagine she was gone

All within a blink of an eye

I had been anticipating that day, though

But it just came too soon for me

“I know how sad it is for you to bear this news….”

You know?!! I fumed inside but just could tell

If she was right beside me, I’d have given her hell

I could have given away everything

Just to take away that feeling

But then how could that have been possible

When she was my everything?

I rose from my bed, without a thought of the cold

Put on my brown heavy jacket, it reminded me

Of cold nights I braved the drizzles drizzled

Just to talk to her on a high ground where

I my phone would catch the network

A chill down my spine- all that had been to vain

And headed out to recharge my phone

I conversed with myself all the way the kiosk

‘I enjoyed all the moments we had together

And I wish you all the best in the new chapter’

No, how about this

‘I didn’t love you anyway

I lied to have sex with you by the way’

That looked worse

‘I have all along suspected you are a whore

I’m glad I’m getting back to my life as before’

No, worst of all

‘How about I love you and I want the best for you

Wherever you’ll go just know that I always was true

I can’t figure out how to love anyone, not ever

Because I was sure you were my forever ‘

That would make her guilty,

Yes, I wanted to make her guilty

‘But she’s gone,’ my conscience tried to argue

‘For better things, for a better life

Or for things you couldn’t provide

That which she’d choose to be a wife’

I was mad at myself, I was mad at things I didn’t do

Things I couldn’t even explain, I just knew there were things

She loved me, I heard her tell me several times

She said she loved me, I told her the same thing

But then, I felt there was something more to back it up

To reinforce it like steel to concrete

Hoping it wasn’t too late, I told her straight

‘I love you…and I can’t ever figure out

Any being on this earth whom I’ll love like you

Maybe I made mistakes in the past …

…and I want to make it right….just name the price’

She didn’t like hesitate, she told me like she’d rehearsed

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that”

“Why do this to me? Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand….circumstances

Everything is hard right now…..

….and I don’t think you’ll help me

I wish you would but I know you can’t

…just live your life”

Damn money!! Damn the world

Money robbed me the precious

Of all my possessions

The prized among all, love

‘I’ll wait for you,’ I bluttered

I wondered why it wasn’t easy to let go

Chart a new destiny and live life anew

Or get used to be alone

Probably I wouldn’t be too alone

She said she loved me

She’d leave him when things get better

Maybe we could be together

Once more, till forever knocks at our doorstep

It wasn’t the easiest decision I ever made

Days crawled, the sun seemed stuck up the sky

I still asked myself why

Why I wouldn’t let go, to start letting the memories fade

My world was suddenly confined to an ominous gloom

The flowers even in its full bloom spelled doom

And my heart seemed to be giving away slowly

I longed for a way of forgetting things, instantly

But the more I longed the more she became engraved in my mind