I Don't Envy Your Love

looking at you at arms length, 

I thought there was more to you, 

only accessed in secret places, 

like your heart, or a dark place 

then I knew you, and bridged 

that uncertain stretch between

unfamiliarity to friendship 

and we became more than friends 

it was exciting in the beginning, 

well, all relationships begin

with that sinister excitement 

and the hope that it will be alright 

we worked to maintain decorum 

to present ourselves in ways 

that wouldn't have the other 

bolting for the hills 

but then you grew comfortable 

after knowing all my secrets 

imperfections and what not 

you had made it, I guess you thought 

I no longer envy your love 

I do not crave it as much as I used to 

it wasn't even love 

it was a convenient arrangement 

to waste each other's time 

A Battle With Self

when truth and pain merge, 

out emerges a soldier 

worn from a long battle with self 

the invisible scars don't speak 

but mutter amongst themselves 

of the needless adventure 

the soldier suffers from PTSD 

he won the battle with self 

but the war still rages on 

never unending 

Abstract Artiste

I looked at the canvas 

a little longer than it takes an artiste, 

I am no Picasso 

A few scribbles, random lines 

and I declare my work of art complete 

an abstract art 

I have lived far too long, 

with the hope, slowly merging 

with despair, 

that there was an artiste inside me 

ready to conquer the world 

but the artiste never shows up 

he sends emissaries 

with letters of jumbled words 

vainly apologising 

but the letters often seem to dance 

on an unmarked grave 

Can You Endure

can you endure long silence 
endure my seemingly unwarranted 

moments of listless solitude 
can you endure the same response, 
when you inquire about 

my meaningless brooding? 

can you endure days I'll long 

for peace more than your kiss? 

can you be still strong

after wondering what's amiss?

can you endure my nonchalance 

my carefree attitude

my cavalier approach to romance 

can you still stay with my wanton mood?

Splintered

I am basking in the undistinguished
glory of splintered dreams 
the derailed course of my life, 
offers not the perfect photo opportunity 
to project an image of success 
I am, by a design, a man who 
inadvertently got satisfied with very little 
and every step, thereafter, 
was all about accomplishing the
bare minimum 
but trust me, I know how long a man 
can last on bare minimum 
and it's not that long
barring constitutional intervals 

Mental Disorder

I have an undiagnosed mental disorder, 

as sinister as it might, I think people 

like me need recognition, 

right from the United Nations 

to the CBOs tucked in the armpits 

of uncivilised natives of Kainuk 

I am telling you, I am mentally ill 

my thought process is as flawed, 

as the next Mathari patient, 

but I am free like a molecule 

and that worries me, it worsens 

my condition 

sometimes I think I am walking 

corpse, 

the next I am more alive and eternal 

like the word of god 

because I am ill 

but my condition is undiagnosed yet 

and that gives me no peace 

at this ungodly hour of the night 

The Wilderness of Life

wander through the vast 

wilderness of life, 

be wary of the compass 

for your desire is to get lost, 

if not, it should be your creed 

for you will find out you true self

in unfamiliar places 

define yourself through strangers 

and find your true purpose 

in our own meaningless existence 

wander through this wilderness 

be wary of those who sing praises 

they do not mean it