It’s half past one in the night. Satanic
hours, as my former higher school principal used to refer them. As with these
times of the night, awake, I normally nourish myself with whatever food that
remained after supper. I had eaten githeri, and disregarded its soup which I
found too salty. Now I am taking spoonfuls at irregular intervals, feeling as
though I have discovered a new exotic culinary delight. Why was I awake at these
satanic hours? Well the answer is mosquitoes.
It is one big problem which, I
strongly believe, should have been factored in the building bridges initiative,
and if not, a commission of inquiry formed with immediate effect to look into
these mosquitoes that are giving ordinary Kenyans, who diligently file zero
returns every financial year, sleepless nights. Despite magnificent, huge,
momentous and gigantic inventions man has ever discovered, these extremely tiny
creature was purposefully made to teach human beings to be humble. You could
huge and intelligent, God must have been saying when making mosquitoes, but
tiny brainless creatures will torture your nights, and you may never discover
the vaccine of malaria. And God and the angels burst into prolonged guffaws,
which made him forget that he was creating a human being. The error saw Him
make Hitler.
I recently came back from the
village to Nairobi to run important errands which are keep hustlers company and
continue my hatred for mosquitoes. I learned that, despite evidence showing
that they do not have brains, these creatures are actually intelligent. Within
minutes, they had also landed in droves with their persistent annoying whine close
to your ear especially when you are concentrating a particularly serious
thought – where do I steal huge amounts of money and never get caught? Without
a doubt, mosquitoes are already in the moon waiting for you.
It leaves you to wonder why Jesus
died and never took away the annoying mosquito whine. You could have just
closed your eyes, and really loud whine, overtaking the supersonic jet, flies
close to your ear and off it goes. It was on a reconnaissance mission. The
second time it circles your ear looking for a landing spot where it goes silent
and deploys its suction tools. So your role is to subvert them by swatting and
making serious and laudable efforts namely: missing it. It flies away laughing
in mischievous mosquito laughter.
The aforementioned scenario is
only idealic – there a billion mosquitoes my friend ready to take a sip of your
blood. Thinking of it, why is human blood a mosquito’s only meal? Why couldn’t
God make a Christmas thing, leaving them to survive on ugly and useless
creatures such as rats and politicians? Just animals that do not have the
ability to reason: I don’t want to name names.
If the ecological role of mosquitoes
is quite indispensable like, for example, defecating why couldn’t possess at least
three functioning brain cells? I base this on the fact that you could wake up
in the middle of the night and manually kill them and arrange the dead bodies
on the nightstand but they still come in droves. If they had brains they would
know that this place is dangerous, and warn others never to step there. At that
is the way it is in my ancestral home, Kerio Valley.
You see, in Kerio, you cannot
plant maize, sorghum or millet without the intervention of monkeys. And they
are very lazy, they don’t help when planting, only showing up when it is ripe. Anyway
it is not their problem – they have adopted noble characteristics of certain
species of animals known as slayqueens. They wait until its ripe then they
wreck havoc. You have to rise as early as six in order to beat
traffic…haha…sorry, there is no traffic in the village. You rise up early
because monkeys don’t take chances with their laziness. And so you wad them off
until you harvest.
However, the monkey problem can
be easily be solved by simply killing one and placing the dead corpse on your
farm as a warning. Being avid readers, they take seriously such warnings and
they never step there generations after generations. Unlike mosquitoes. But
they are just like us every election year.
PHOTO/PEXELS