Sorry Mama

A sad man [source/nvf.org]

Mama, I am sorry for not being a good son

You see, I suck at being an adult

Because there’s no manual for it

And there are no maps to refer to when I am lost

Mama, I am sorry for taking you love for granted

You see, it’s the purest there is in the entire world

Whereas the world’s just receives

Yours gives without intention – so unconditional

Mama, I am sorry for disrespecting you

You see, I thought I was too grown up

To ever receive instruction from you

Yet it was just the teenage hormones doing the thinking

Mama, I am sorry there have been plenty of days

You see, days that offered a chance at redemption

To be a better son, to see the bright side of things

I am afraid those days are no more

Mama, I am sorry to have to let you down,

You see, I know you did not bear a failure

But every single day I have little energy

To live up to the expectation you have of me

Mama, I am sorry I’ve heard of a better place

You see, I do not believe in paradise or heaven

But paradise to me mean not paying any bills

Because capitalism is the yoke on the neck of men

Mama, I am sorry we may never meet

You see, you soul is bound for heaven

For that’s what I pray for unconsciously

Because there can never be anyone like you

Seasons

The cold wind harshly caressed your feet

Its two am in the morning

You are there by the verandah

Glad you’ve seen the new day,

As fresh as it is, 

You buy some more time before going to bed

So you don’t think of her once asleep

When you finally lock the door

You lock her memory with the night hounds

To listen to their mournful howls

As you drift to a dreamless world

A world that will stop existing

When you open your eyes

Some nights you’ll dream of her

A nightmare of course

Because you’ll dream of her making love

To another man

And you reach for your sword

And slash his manhood

And pierce his heart

And then the heinous crime wakes you up

Its four am, and you begin thinking of her

I Am Gone With The Wind

I am gone with the wind

to the other side of love

a side devoid of longings

of sacred yearnings and embraces

for life ceased having meaning

I am gone, like the wind

Across vast oceans

Across barren deserts

Across beautiful vistas, as well as the ugly

Salvaging broken hearts

To keep me warm in hibernation

I am gone, and all I ask of you

Do not grieve of lost love

Grief will cloud your heart

And you won’t see a better lover

Walk by your side

I am gone forever

But I’ll be somewhere under the sky

Enjoying vast moments of solitude

Recreating loneliness

All I ask of you is not to mess it up

Gone on, breathe for someone else

For I couldn’t love any better than who I am

Aloof, and seemingly distant

Priceless Little Memories of Love

The simple, the anodyne, the seemingly trivial

An act such as watching the sun rise,

The waves race with futility to the shores,

Aimless walks across barren lands

  All has so much significance 

  When you are with the love of your life

When the world seem so distant apart

And the heart throbs with longing

It is the little memories that keep the embers,

Of love smoldering, the candles flickering

Even in the strongest winds

Warming and providing light –the little memories

When the details of love become blurry

Fading slowly, receding to the horizon

Its steady strides leading it to oblivion

Little memories become stop overs

Offering detours back to where the heart belonged

And, gazing back, the past is more alluring

Than the unknown in which the heart seeks

The Jealous Heart

Deep within me, in the entrails of my heart

Lies a seething form of jealousy

Always waiting to erupt

When I see or think of you attentive

Even for a second, with another other than me

My jealousy is murderous

It thinks I am your entire universe

Your everything – and you must be mine too

My jealousy is murderous

My heart wants you to love me alone

My heart rejoices only if I make you love

I and I alone, not any other human being

My heart bursts with joy when you gaze at me alone

And think the universe of me

For I know no other universe other than you

I know no other sun than your eyes

I know no other sky other than your embrace

I know no ocean other than your smile

I know not death, when you say you love me

For that, you’ll understand when I am murderous with jealousy

Abandon Me By Your Shores

Abandon me by your shores
For I am the waves
Incessantly running to kiss you

Leave by the shores and wander off
Disappear among the sands
For I have enough time to search for you

Leave me where people visit
To listen to my whispers
Calling your name
Calling you to appear from the sands

My Idea Of Heaven

The absence of infirmities

Absence of bills

Absence of worries

Abundance of unconditional love

And where everyone feels high

For their opium never runs out