THE ALLURE OF NORMAL LIFE

You are that kind of person who has no guts, you give every time life pushes you. You are the kind of person who'll live all his life playing it safe, doing the right things, saving yourself for a moment that never comes. Then you'll die a boring old man if you live long enough. The best part of it is, you'll have many friends who really like you because you were such a nice hard working guy. You spent your life playing it safe, doing the right things. But truth is, you let life push you to submissions. Deep down you were terrified of taking risks. You really wanted to win but the fear of losing was greater than the excitement of of winning. Deep inside, you and only you know you didn't go for it. You chose to play its safe.

The Struggle

Life holds nothing beyond the longing                                                                                                                                         

To be such an insatiable desire to another                                                                                                                         

Feeling your heart beat to their pleasure                                                                                                                                                           

And their struggle to bear a second away from you

Seconds pile into a hurdle to jump over                                                                                                                                                        

Faces lit by the thought of their smiles                                                                                                                                                     

Life changing, life giving, life enhancing                                                                                                                                                               

All rolling into a struggle to cope their absence

Save for words that save the day                                                                                                                                                         

Though in its insufficiency alleviate                                                                                                                                                               

A hearts sacred longing                                                                                                                                                                                 

It’s always a struggle to explain a longing

Into This Life, My Life

The long time that lay ahead perpetuated emptiness, an impalpable loss and grief. I didn't know what to make of my day. The desire to do something  better with my time only increased the void I have always known to be part of me. It seemed it would take forever to fill; to attain a sense of fulfillment. The craving for everything better (clothes, shoes and phones) became a futility each passing second i failed to do something tangible with the time disposed at my feet at such unfathomable abundance

Dreams jeer at me every chance they get. And they get it all the time except when I'm under to influence of liquor. I choose to ignore it taunts but I fail miserably in each attempt. It seems to retreat behind my back to launch itself then ambush me in an overwhelming force that I cant resist. I get swept away in an abyss. It takes days to know where I am, weeks to plan how to retrieve myself from the mess, months to execute and years to be fully free from it.

My hope is to be free from every chain that seems to curtail my personal development, slowing down my progress to greater things and greater heights. Even though it seems I am my own enemy I refuse to confront it in the battlefield. it looks like it can beat me hands down. I seek easy ways of soothing my makeshift ego with flimsy alibis. I look around myself and wish something was like this or like that. Then  I seem to wait fro things to be like the wait I want instead of using the tools I have to better myself. (If I always thought like this I would be far)

For the meanwhile, I indulge in a world that borders on despair and hope, my feet firmly fixed on both worlds and the absent desire i so crave to seek the fortunes there's on this earth. The urge to leave the comfort zone that is my dreamland is clipped by a force that I can see but its whispers I can perceive around me. Then i lie on my bed and imagine all the luxurious things i would own...

Parting

She stared at her own nakedness in the mirror. Leila realized in a flash that she was beautiful. She looked at her perfect contours−firm and erect  boobs, a flat tummy; well rounded hips−and finally knew why he never wants her away. She passed her hand slowly through her body. It felt good but it felt better if he did it. Garry is his name. She has never conjured up enough reasons as to why she loves him that much. She stopped there for he loved her too.

Leila touched her breasts and she couldn’t help but visualize his hands working expertly on her. The ecstatic feeling pleasantly invaded her body. It reached deep inside her, depths she only imagined were there but never had the chance to really find out if it really existed. If it did, no one else made her feel so except the one and only Garry. Reality stopped her fantasy, as the dawn of many days away from Garry chilled her.  She would be going away to a far off place, so far from him. The thought of confining his love to a mere phone call was unwelcome. She wrapped a towel around her naked body and made her way out of the bathroom. She wanted to call him. She wanted to be with him for one last moment. She wanted to exhaust her fleshy desires for once.

Leila could hear the phone ringing at the other end for a while before going silent. She stared at her phone. She lacked the energy to try again. She thought of all the bad things. It was hard for to understand why he couldn’t be near his phone. May be he was doing to another girl what he did best to her…….

A knock woke her up from her reverie. She wondered who the intruder could be. All the energy she had fled her when she needed it the most. She rose from the couch and headed towards her bed room. The intruder would wait. The urgency of what brought him or her to her place would be tested by patience. The knock persisted and the place was taken over by silence she has known the few times she spent her day there (she spent most of her time with Garry)

She picked her phone and summoned the energy to dial his number. The urge was swallowed by an inscrutable fear. She felt a weird feeling rise inside her. She realized she was breathing faster than usual. She looked at the number on her screen and moved her thumb to press the call button. The she jerked into life as her phone suddenly vibrated in her little palm. It was the number she was trying to dial. It was Garry.

“Hi honey…..”She stammered unnecessarily.

Hi, where are you sweetheart?” He asked before she could regain her composure from the shock of his sudden call.

“I’m in my house,” she answered him.

“Why can’t you open for me then? I have been knocking for ages,” Garry said and hang up before she could explain herself.

She rose from her bed and fastened the towel around her. She fumbled with her flip-flops as she hurried to open the door for him. The door flung open and she fell into his arms in an embrace she was sure would last for a long time before she could forget. He stroked her chin playfully as they made their way in.

She left him on the couch and left for the bedroom. She found it necessary to change. A towel only on her could spark temptations, though they were welcome, it wouldn’t be nicer than those slowly initiated, and paving way to that heaven like climax. She changed into her blue cotton pajama, with white floral designs. She seldom avoided looking at herself in the mirror ad she didn’t wonder why she didn’t care today. It was a special day for her and she didn’t want to waste even a single second on needless things as standing in front of the mirror when he can tell her how good she looked. Mirrors didn’t talk.

She strutted back the couch, tying the straps of her pajama on her small waist. She couldn’t resist a giggle. It seemed to be the only way she could express her joy in seeing the man who meant everything to her right in front of her. She sat on the couch and looked straight into his eyes. She always felt overpowered by his gaze. He seemed to look way beyond what an ordinary human eye could perceive.  It was Garry’s own way of looking at things. She was certain he could see the contents of her heart.

Leila stretched her arms for the remote on the table. She saw it fit to mute the television. It distracted their moment. It took away Garry’s attention and she felt entitled to maximum attention from him so that she could feel loved. She wanted the memory of the last moment she had with him could last like an engraving on a rock. She wanted the moment t be ageless, staying fresh for the length of time it would take them to feel each other side by side once again. 

 Both their fingers intertwined as she moved closer to him. They were silent. Their silence spoke of the magnitude of each other’s presence. It spoke what held their hearts together. Leila hoisted her feet on the couch and laid her head on his laps and closed her eyes as waves of love swept through her, from his gentle strokes of his hand.

Leila found it hard to accept the fact she was leaving him. If she could choose she could prefer otherwise. Life’s a dictator, its states without giving a chance for the other party to state the other side of the story. Leila was beginning her attachment and it meant they would scarcely spend time together for a close to three months. It would hard considering the number of years they’ve spent together. Four years to be precise. She saw that as cruel burden that it would take more than courage to bear.

“Baby I don’t know if I will manage a life without you near me,” she finally mattered, more of a whisper, like she wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular.

“Don’t worry we’ll manage sweetheart,” Garry’s deep vice penetrated deep in to her soul. It stirred the darkest corners of her heart and left a smile on her face. She reached for his face and touched slowly, moving her palm up and down. It was rough owing to his unshaved beard. She diidn ask him to shave. It was manly to be rugged for once and she let him be. She rose and kissed him.

The touches increased in pace and their skins longed to be in contact without any restriction. It didn’t take long before Leila was screaming from unbearable pleasure. She liked moments like this, when life stretched to eternity making her immortal for a while. She loved the way he worked her body. No one else understood her body like he did.  No one did because she never bothered to find out. Why disturb oneself when she had found what he was looking for? She would be bothering herself for absolutely no reason. He was hers and nothing would change that, only death would−she was sure of that.

Good things are only appreciated when they are taken away for a while. She thought as the bus pulled out of the parking lot. Tears welled in her eyes as he disappeared among the crowd. He seemed he would disappear forever and never come back to embrace her the he did. She thought he wouldn’t forget her. This was her greatest dread.

Parting is such a sweet sorrow, only if the very thing that holds together souls doesn’t break as he distance grows in between. She would have him her heart wherever she went.

Unsolicited Advice

When we were growing up, we were told all manner of do’s and don’ts. I bet most of them curtailed our freedom but nevertheless we adhered to those which we could and endured the flogging from those we never mastered the art of living by them. We grew up anyway.

Many years down the line we are still advised. Everybody older than seems to be so generous with advice, even our friends with their handful experience unashamedly tell us what we should or not. The one bunch of people whom I can fathom their advice is a stranger. You meet one along the street and he feels he should tell you that you are not dressed well, or that hair needs to be trimmed. If you dish out some dollars I would mind visiting a barber shop.

The urge to snarl at them gets the better of me, almost always. It has never sounded appealing at all, no matter how wrong I am. I am not at home and this is the only chance to act weird, be wild and exclusively from the reptilian watch of my parents. He should just understand from the look on my face that I am not hearing a damn thing he is saying.

There are some types of warning or advice that only fuel the urge to find out what is being denied over the other side. The lesson is never learned from mere hearsay, it must be experienced in order to be regarded lesson. The only shield is the hope that it won’t be too late to learn, as things may at times turn out be.

I always laughed when our high school teachers claimed that we were having the last free advice as we neared the end of our stay there. Who loved their advice anyway? I quizzed my friends and were all glad that those boring pieces of advice would finally trickle down the gutter. Those morning assemblies were a source of worry to some chaps whose concern was never near cleanness. Every day they were dirty from Monday to Friday, week in week out, for four good years. And they knew about it. Does that person need to be advised, really?    

Enter the real world. Folks went to display their prowess in leaking pieces of useless words in the name of advice. The respect for their age stifles a barrage of expletives. I hear pointing out weaknesses and dismiss them at the instant their lips stop moving.

I have never needed advice. i might need when my atm card fails but for the moment am content with what I have accumulated in the years that I have lived through observation. If you come with your advice, I might listen and even nod in approval but deep down me am saying ‘HOLY SHIT.’

This Word

Fast running way

This word I want to say

Strolling away, increasing its speed

This word, so callous when am in need

One minute you are here

Next you are leaping away like a deer

This word I want to grasp now

Need I bow?

This word help express this thought

She deserves all I got

I mean my love−the whole of it

You word, help achieve that feat

DISTANT LONGING

It’s clear by the bindings of distance

Love is no longer a cherished feeling

Neither is it a recipe for nice romance

Yester day’s are all we got, am reeling

Not a single second goes by each day

That I don’t stop and think about you

You’ve always made me stare and sway

Swaying away the thoughts of you

Loving now looks like a distant longing

I trying to find a way to make of this

All these leaves my heart aching

And healing lies in your sweet kiss

The darkness tries in vain to conceal

The silhouette of your body imposed

By the moon light tickling my nerves

Am titillated by your naked smile

It makes me aware of true beauty

That am staring just in front of me