Can You Endure

can you endure long silence 
endure my seemingly unwarranted 

moments of listless solitude 
can you endure the same response, 
when you inquire about 

my meaningless brooding? 

can you endure days I'll long 

for peace more than your kiss? 

can you be still strong

after wondering what's amiss?

can you endure my nonchalance 

my carefree attitude

my cavalier approach to romance 

can you still stay with my wanton mood?

Splintered

I am basking in the undistinguished
glory of splintered dreams 
the derailed course of my life, 
offers not the perfect photo opportunity 
to project an image of success 
I am, by a design, a man who 
inadvertently got satisfied with very little 
and every step, thereafter, 
was all about accomplishing the
bare minimum 
but trust me, I know how long a man 
can last on bare minimum 
and it's not that long
barring constitutional intervals 

The Wilderness of Life

wander through the vast 

wilderness of life, 

be wary of the compass 

for your desire is to get lost, 

if not, it should be your creed 

for you will find out you true self

in unfamiliar places 

define yourself through strangers 

and find your true purpose 

in our own meaningless existence 

wander through this wilderness 

be wary of those who sing praises 

they do not mean it 

Who Needs?

who needs a hug, 

when a hug, 

can't be frozen 

and stored somewhere, 

somewhere easily retrievable? 

who needs a heart, 

when it can be easily stolen, 

and given to someone else?

who needs a soul when 

you wouldn't ever know 

what to do with it 

or if it even exists? 

who needs to live 

when each we crawl closer, 

unwillingly, 

to our own demise? 

Who needs to ponder all

these, 

when you can live, love and laugh 

the good things 

and the bad things that happen? 

Back Up

I have travelled  way down 

the least desirable road, 

The climb back will be stiff. 

and difficult 

It wasn't the way I wanted 

but I thought it was cute 

now I believe I was stupid 

the regret is 

Wandering Heart

I felt my heart slip away, 

and float, like smoke, 

through the invisible crevices 

and wandered away seeking 

your lukewarm embrace, 

to brood the distance memories 

fan the dying embers back to life, 

to warm us again 

until we can't stand each other. 

as I set here, content without a 

heart, 

I hope it used the correct path 

to find you 

I am aloof, unenchanted by all this 

because the scars are still evident 

yet they aren't scars worth 

celebrating, 

they are invisible scars that never 

fully healed 

A Scarcity Mindset

There is no sure path to sadness 

than the constant nagging thought, 

that you'd be happy every where else 

except where you are 

Tell me what sadder

than the idea that you'd be loved 

better by someone else than 

the person you are currently with 

what leaves you with a sore taste 

more than thinking you deserve better, 

a better job, better house, better family 

your reality seems like a trap 

stop seeing life from a position of scarcity 

it blinds you from all the blessings 

the abundance, happiness and joy 

a scarcity mindset will leave you miserable 

Places You've Never Been

there will be a thousand sceneries, 
breathtaking, picturesque,

some will leave long lasting impressions 

on your mind, 

while plenty will leave you unfulfilled

in the sense that you'll never be 

happy wherever you feet have taken root 

I'll Be Up Tonight

I'll be up tonight, 
I have already figured out 
the nature of the dream I'll have, 
it will be the same old dream 
that has bothered mankind 
since the beginning of time
where will we go when this 
breathe becomes air? 

I have thought about it 
not once, not twice, 
it bothers me though 
religion has been inadequate 
why would I allow myself to suffer 
so that I can live a good life 
when I die? 

I Am Not Sane

I guess you are wondering 
whether the thoughts, 
that glide and dance in my head, 
are the thoughts of a sane man. 

I harbour the same thoughts too, 
the kind of thoughts that graze 
inside this head - a head that's cost 
you a fortune - 
because they are no thoughts of a 
completely sane man 

I must admit, staying sane 
is a toll task on my part 
I am constantly seeking tunes 
bordering on dirges and love songs 
because it is then that the dinghy 
halls in my mind come alive 

Not All Days Are Alike

Not all days are alike

Some feel like a tortuous hike, 

upon lands with unwelcoming vista

the scenery doesn't fit insta 

there are days and nights 

where nothing goes right 

everything is dull 

suspended, with so much to mull 

there will be happy days 

encountered upon lonely highways 

scarce, and unspeakably lonely 

and a soul yearns to be free 

The Warrior

I look forward to the day 

when I'll wave you from the other side 

of River Cheploch, 

and watch your form gradually fade away 

into the beckoning Tugen Hills, 

into the dark and cold embrace of a 

former bandit 

I'll then haul myself up the Kerio 

escarpment, 

listen to the silent voices of my 

ancestors 

jeering at how stupid I was 

for making myself a disgrace in the clan 

for letting the affections of a woman 

turn my head around 

when I get to my father's backyard

I'll hunch over a laptop and write you a 

poem, 

I'll write that I am gathering my bows 

and arrows 

to prepare myself for battle

to rescue myself from the world, 

from you 

Listen, It Happened

listen, it happened

didn't feel like you were hovering

above earth 

feeling so unlike an ordinary mortal? 

didn't you think it was the best thing 

ever?

but then you tumbled down

like an elephant atop a tree

as you nurse your hurt feelings, 

you wish you'd foreseen the crash

but you know, life has no navigation 

Listen, it happened 

when you find yourself in a destination 

not of your liking

isn't prudent to trace your steps back 

brave the underbrush 

make a way in unbeaten paths, 

brave hunger and thirst 

brace yourself to get lost in the 

makeshift jungle of regrets 

survive internal wars - 

monologues,

and finally, a solemn vow to oneself 

not to be gullible ever again 

listen, it happened, 

there is nothing you can do about it 

gazing at the ruins

long enough won't rebuild you 

stop, the ruins aren't even aesthetic 

it happened, brave the simple decision 

to walk away from your former self 

and be each other's eternal enemies 

Detached

I'll be content loving you at a distance, 

detached from all the 'burdens' 

that walk beside affection, 

for by definition of romance, 

I am as imperfect as imperfect can ever be 

I'll be satisfied with not knowing 

about how your day went 

I am not interested in listening 

to whatever slows you down 

I am almost certain there's nothing I 

can do about them

I'll love you in a completely detached manner 

I crave silence, sometimes, 

I can go for days not wanting to talk to you

or see you, 

or be near you, 

unfortunately, that's not how a lover should love 

I'll not love you right

and there isn't much  I can do about it 

we will not speak the same language of love 

and I'll drive you insane 

because I won't seem like I care about 

I'll want you, but never ever admit I need you 

The Best Times

The best of times might as well 

be the worst times, 

because, often times, the good times 

are either illegal, destructive, 

or a death sentence coated with pleasure 

and when everything has passed, 

and all you have are memories 

scrubbing the edges of your mind 

revealing the finely inscribed word - guilt 

henceforth, no matter how much fun 

you had, 

it all boils down to "I shouldn't have had it"

No Longer Friends With Myself

I do not recognize myself anymore, 

a stranger has taken over my body, 

leaving vague recollections of my 

former self 

The body that you see isn't mine, 

I swapped it when being me 

was no longer in vogue 

You might recognize the body, 

but it's run by a different software 

I am no longer friends with myself

tell me a friend whose maid creed is sabotage 

which friends encourages self-destruction

and thinks it is too much fun? 

my former self will say things 

just as strange to you as they are to me 

I do not recognise him 

and we are no longer friends 

A Good Day To Try Again

today won't be your day, again, 

if you do not try harder 

there is nothing to gain 

if you are not relentless in the 

pursuit of your passions 

today does seem grim 

a ray of despondency is creeping in 

and, like a sadist's scheme 

threatens to haul your dreams

into the waste basket of oblivion 

today is a good day to try again 

you may be a little bit lethargic, 

but take that step, walk even with pain 

for they say it is important to keep moving 

that single step will take you closer 

to your much coveted dream 

Your Kind of Love

you aren't the kind that loves 

half-heartedly, 

you take the plunge, 

- headfirst, feetfirst, heartfirst - 

it never matters 

because loving is about life and death 

and the right love justifies 

anything in between 

but then your kind of love, 

often pits you against mongrel-humans, 

the kind that never learned to love 

or deliberately choose to love incorrectly, 

at will, ignorant of its significance 

you will love them still, 

hoping your affection will change them 

have you ever stopped and pondered, 

may be you deserve the love 

you give everyone else? 

especially the underserving 

the kind that wouldn't jump a puddle 

for you 

when you could cross oceans for them 

Calmness

I do not know what causes more turmoil, 

or unending grief, 

than the thought of unrequited love 

there is no relief 

because each moment seems to unravel, 

so many reasons not to love 

But tell me, what's more calming, 

than the certainty of love, 

each day feels new 

because someone loves you, 

and you are sure its the purest 

calmness is the perfect give a lover can give 

Naked Truth

truth hits like a ton of falling bricks, 

often, you'll find yourself debating, 

whether to be hurt enough or limp away, 

wearing your injuries like a war hero 

truth leaves you feeling powerless, 

bargaining with a fate you're sure 

you did not deserve 

you didn't sacrifice so much for naught 

truth will make you feel stupid 

and as blunt as it often is, 

there is always nothing to do 

except create your balance sheet 

of losses, profits and lessons