Showing posts with label Love & Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love & Life. Show all posts

Thursday, 21 July 2016


It’s rather a strange thing to do today. I’ve found courage and now am raring to go. I want to forget you not because you ever did anything bad to me but because I need to think of fresh things from now on. Truth is, I’ve found it hard to keep you out of my mind. I have raised the rent but you still afforded it, lowered the standards but you still found it fit to live in an abhorrent and deplorable world. I almost left my mind for you, but upon knowing I need it more than you do, I’d like us to strike a deal. Lets part ways in the most amicable manner such that we can greet each other on the streets, corridors and may be sometime we grab a drink without looking like strangers or seeking to patch old differences.

Ever since you walked into this anodyne life of mine I’ve been haunted by the illusion of keeping up to an impossibly high ideal. I’ve tried to act like the man you wanted. I’m haunted still by the thought of us never having amounted to anything. For these haunting thoughts I’ve had to act like an animal around you: talking trash, doing silly stuff and now you think I bear a grudge against you. Actually I do. I wanted revenge to what I considered a callous attitude on your part. But I would provide you what you sought and you had to seek it elsewhere.  I wanted you to desperately want me. I wanted you to find me irresistible without trying to look like it. I wanted you to think of me as much as I think about you (the culmination is this letter).

This letter is a pact on my part. I’m accepting everything as it is. I’ll let you be you without subjecting you to any judgments. I’m accepting you are you and there are things you seek in life that might not be favourable, at least to me, but are to you. I’m accepting everything as it is. I’ll treat everything I’ve heard of you like a rumour; like those peddling it are merely envious of you.

I didn’t see a reflection of me in your eyes. I didn’t want to. I treated you with suspicion and I don’t want to find out if I unjustly did that or not. I’m satisfied of what became of us and I will be more than contented with what you choose to do with your life. I’m letting my mind free of you. Let me think about you when I see you.

You’ve been a nice occupant. Good bye.

Friday, 6 March 2015


The long time that lay ahead perpetuated emptiness, an impalpable loss and grief. I didn't know what to make of my day. The desire to do something  better with my time only increased the void I have always known to be part of me. It seemed it would take forever to fill; to attain a sense of fulfillment. The craving for everything better (clothes, shoes and phones) became a futility each passing second i failed to do something tangible with the time disposed at my feet at such unfathomable abundance

Dreams jeer at me every chance they get. And they get it all the time except when I'm under to influence of liquor. I choose to ignore it taunts but I fail miserably in each attempt. It seems to retreat behind my back to launch itself then ambush me in an overwhelming force that I cant resist. I get swept away in an abyss. It takes days to know where I am, weeks to plan how to retrieve myself from the mess, months to execute and years to be fully free from it.

My hope is to be free from every chain that seems to curtail my personal development, slowing down my progress to greater things and greater heights. Even though it seems I am my own enemy I refuse to confront it in the battlefield. it looks like it can beat me hands down. I seek easy ways of soothing my makeshift ego with flimsy alibis. I look around myself and wish something was like this or like that. Then  I seem to wait fro things to be like the wait I want instead of using the tools I have to better myself. (If I always thought like this I would be far)

For the meanwhile, I indulge in a world that borders on despair and hope, my feet firmly fixed on both worlds and the absent desire i so crave to seek the fortunes there's on this earth. The urge to leave the comfort zone that is my dreamland is clipped by a force that I can see but its whispers I can perceive around me. Then i lie on my bed and imagine all the luxurious things i would own...