An APP For Idlers

 TikTok is one hell of an app. If you have a few hours which you can dedicate to being totally and completely unproductive, then this app is here for you. TikTok has revolutionized how you can idle. It is more like a drug – in fact, it should be classified as a drug. A few minutes on TikTok will have you wondering how time flew by. And the best part of it is that you may never learn anything meaningful. 

It took me a while before I got around to downloading TikTok. I quickly signed up and began a blissful browsing experience. Each video would be more interesting than the last or almost always related to some videos I had watched elsewhere. For instance, I would watch Dr. Pimple Popper on YouTube when my mind suggests that something gross might be interesting. When I turned to TikTok much later, I would find the same gross videos perfectly lined up for me. I did not give much thought to it until the other day. 

Well, the answer lies in the terms and conditions we often blindly accept. We could sell our souls without knowing!!! It turns out that TikTok collects all your data from every possible source. It probably knows the type, make, and color of your underwear. That’s how serious that app is with your personal data. It even collects data on how you strike your keyboard. For what use? I do not know. 

I might say, which is just a wild guess, that TikTok does so to make its users addicted to the app. It is the same strategy that Facebook used. They needed a product that people would come back to it again and again like drug junkies. TikTok is using the same blueprint, only going a little further. Perhaps it is the reason why it has grown so popular around the world. 

One of the most remarkable things about TikTok is that China, where it was developed, restricts its use among its citizens. Chinese children use TikTok as a learning tool, not to showcase their posterior endowments or watch stupid pranks that have become the norm. It is alleged that China switches off the app at night. While the rest of the world becomes dumber and dumber, the Chinese are getting more and more intelligent. 

The only advantage TikTok has is that it has given people a chance to make a living. We recently saw TikTokers building mansions and driving. Well, you either are the consumer or the creator. When a product is free, there are high chances that you are the product. 

As for me, I plan to delete the app and resume life without it. I wouldn’t miss it at all. I need new ways to waste time now that the doctor has asked me to cut some beverages. 

The Moments You Feel Alive

There are those moments you feel most alive, 
Moments you never have to explain to anyone, 

because there have never been reasons to justify, 

because no one will ever understand them 

there are great moments only known to you 

as significant as the dawn to happy people 

as significant as a paycheck to a man in debt 

but nobody ever understands these moments 

in moments that you feel most alive 

let no one ever rob you of these moments

let no one ever belittle these moments 

they are your moments - guard them jealously 

Haunting Bygones

one day, in a distant past, 
you made the wrong turn, 
and despite knowing it 

you thought it would be fun 

down the road of oblivion 

nothing made sense 

except the ever beckoning abyss 

nothing's been the same thence 

in still moments the bygones 

haunt like a horror movie 

in its clarity nothing ever made sense 

you are stuck the unwelcome view 

The Cry-Boy

He cries everyday, without fail, 
like he received a doctor's prescription 
He cries for hours on end
as if he would die if he does not 

He responds to everything - 
every action, every snub, every footstep, 
by crying his lungs out 
He has strong lungs, that boy 

Nobody ever comforts him
None, not his sisters, not his mother, 
they let him cry desolately by the stairs 
until he realises the futility of the exercise 

An Idea For A New Church

At some point in a reasonable man’s life, he will think deeply about ways of making himself filthy rich within the shortest time possible. As a reasonable man, that point came to me about three years ago. I thought deeply and decided that I was going to start my own religion. However, just like Robin Cooper, I encountered one major problem – what to believe in.

Upon thinking further, I realized I would need a sacred book that would be a reference point for my religion, assuming I settled on what to believe in. It would still be an uphill task considering the fact that other religions have had centuries of a head start. It would simply be impossible to catch up with them.

But I dreamt on. I banked on one Greek philosopher’s wise words – no human is limited. Like a reasonable man, I called up my religious council into a secret conclave to contemplate the matter further. One of the members, which was I, brought up a very important question. He asked us solemnly:

“Supposing we start our own religion, we would need a religious book, right?”

We all nodded in agreement.

“Supposing we would write we own, how will we explain the mystery of man’s existence? What would be our theory?”

It was impossible, we said, but still wanted to know why the member asked the question.

“Well, I suppose that’s the only way to make it believable to the gullible masses.”

After a long meeting that lasted approximately three minutes, we all agreed that we need to have a few drinks. The matter was swiftly forgotten after the third drink. The meeting was adjourned indefinitely and we blamed it squarely on gengetone.

After a long time, we all reached a consensus that starting a new religion would be a daunting prospect. The reason was simple: we could not find a manual online!! We could not believe that Google could miss extremely important piece of information. Trust google to let you down when you need it most.

We assessed our options and settled on what seemed an easier option. We could start our own church. Looking around, we noted that there are churches run by people who are not that bright. How could we fail, with all our brains? We only needed it to stand out as much as possible. It is a business, we argued, and our product must be quite remarkable. It would have to outshine all other churches and make us extremely rich in no time.

As we think about the market entry strategy, the religious council (I, Me, and Myself) are out there to take one for the road hoping that we do not forget about this strategy.

Footnote

(You have seen how Owuor is filthy rich. Damn it, man. I wanna be that rich. I want to buy my second private jet. Pssst! The Enemy is Poverty, and Arsenal, and …..you may add your own).

The Dreamers

there will days, unwelcome days, 
when our dreams hobble along, 
tagging us behind, 
and we rush to keep pace, 
panting, 
wondering whether they are worth it

But what's the worth of a man 
who carries with him unfulfilled dreams
the burden is too much
every breath screams LOSER

And we try each day not to be failures 
sometimes we try even harder 
not to fail by not trying at all 
but then each day is a reminder 
that we could be a day closer to our dreams 
if we tried yesterday 

Here's To True Friends

Here's to that friend 
who's watched all your follies, 
rescued from the little graves 
you've knowingly dug 
here's to that friend who will 
never abandon you 

Here's to that true friend 
who will share even 
when it is evident they need 
it more than you 
even when they have barely enough 

Here's to true friends 
may your wells never run dry 
may your prayers make us 
better friends 
may we be the friends you are to us 

Here's to true friends 
may your paths be paved 
with unimaginable blessings 
may your secret dreams 
and your sacred desires come true 
today and forever 

Here's a toast to true friends 
who see the shred of good left in us 
yet our worth never wane 
here's to friends who will not 
abandon us 
Here's to family - the only true friends