I Don’t Know If I Miss You

 sunsets

beaches

a thousand songs

songs that made flowers bloom on our feet

a million memories

shredded to the tiniest bits

so much that I do not know

if I miss you

 

shadows

long walks

a thousands laughs

that made time seem to stand still

feel with a gaping hole

inside a heart that forgot how to love you

 

regrets

a bucket of chilled regrets

that calm my sick heart, sometimes

a bucket of chilled regrets

that I sometimes drink with vodka

I shall not forget

For the memory of you cannot be

drowned

for you are the storm itself

the hurricane

deserts,

and rainforests

plenty and scarcity

you were all the extremes

the extremes that I fervently loved

 

I will miss you on some days

Days I will wonder what you are up to

Some Days

 Some days drag its feet like a marauding

army of sloths

Some days the emptiness is as palpable

as voids cane feel

some days taste like a cocktail of frustration

and bad decisions

some days suck energy as though they were high

power suction machines

that drain blood out its victims – those sadistic days

 

and then those days often appear normal

the sun is as punctual as usual

even when one does not want it to rise

it has the same potential as good days

and they sneak upon you liked skilled predators

and rob of the will to live and the will to even survive

and from that point onwards,

everything is a downward spiral

until you hit rock bottom

those days

 

they say such days only exist in the head

they don’t say it exists in the calendar as well

they don’t say some days are better off inexistent

some days are better of unlived

like the day you were born

The Pounding Thoughts

I lay awake at night 

and listen to the clinging thoughts 

clang! clang! 

hammers pounding away 

same intensity as yester year 

and years before that 

and the years after 

cling! clang! 

thoughts pounding away 

chipping away nothing 

just competing with the slow clock 

tik tok!

The sickening slow ebb of time 

nauseates 

A Thousand Years

 wait, 

the last feel of your touch 

has been devoured by maggots 

it's skeletal, 

lonesome

in a grave of oblivion 

wait, 

the last words you spoke 

have frozen

sculptured into a knife 

that cuts my soul into smithereens 

I used to indulge in the pain 

It was a welcome refuge 

wait, 

what are are waiting for?

I am waiting for the sun to freeze this dawn 

once again 

and make a sculpture of all your memory 

a knife of sorts

to cut me all over again 

for I am whole 

The Uncaring Universe

who are we to the big universe?

are we tiny specks of sands

are we giants?

does the universe laugh at our 

exaggerated importance

does it get buoyed by our indifference? sometimes 

Is it patiently waiting to trample us 

into oblivion?

In the meantime, give me a beer 

it is the only way I can become one 

with the universe..

The Alarm

The walls, silent walls listen 

to the songs of your angst 

the darn walls do not even applaud 

they sit still, not even apprehensive 

that you will breakdown -

the darn walls 

the mosquitoes fly by with sick oblivion 

seeking your blood as they you are their ranch 

and their annoying whir - god their annoying whir 

sickens you to your stomach 

they rob you the little sleep you are bargaining for 

the sleep you've bargained for six hours 

and now dawn is here

the alarm does not raise you -

you raise the alarm 

and the alarm snoozes you 

because you are tired, 

tired of thinking - tired of dawns

that bring nothing but weary dreams 

I Do Not Bother

I do not get it - I do not even want to contemplate

How can someone's life choices offend me?

I go for the superficial - the one you have chosen to show 

The rest is between a secret and darkness 

I do not want to know 

The deep is between you and your gods 

Show me what I need to know 

I will not go for the hidden meaning 

You are not a poem 

or a work of art 

I do not care who you are when you slip 

into the darkness 

It just is not worth my time