It’s rather a strange thing to do
today. I’ve found courage and now am raring to go. I want to forget you not
because you ever did anything bad to me but because I need to think of fresh
things from now on. Truth is, I’ve found it hard to keep you out of my mind. I
have raised the rent but you still afforded it, lowered the standards but you
still found it fit to live in an abhorrent and deplorable world. I almost left
my mind for you, but upon knowing I need it more than you do, I’d like us to
strike a deal. Lets part ways in the most amicable manner such that we can
greet each other on the streets, corridors and may be sometime we grab a drink
without looking like strangers or seeking to patch old differences.
Ever since you walked into this
anodyne life of mine I’ve been haunted by the illusion of keeping up to an
impossibly high ideal. I’ve tried to act like the man you wanted. I’m haunted
still by the thought of us never having amounted to anything. For these haunting
thoughts I’ve had to act like an animal around you: talking trash, doing silly
stuff and now you think I bear a grudge against you. Actually I do. I wanted
revenge to what I considered a callous attitude on your part. But I would
provide you what you sought and you had to seek it elsewhere. I wanted you to desperately want me. I wanted
you to find me irresistible without trying to look like it. I wanted you to
think of me as much as I think about you (the culmination is this letter).
This letter is a pact on my part.
I’m accepting everything as it is. I’ll let you be you without subjecting you
to any judgments. I’m accepting you are you and there are things you seek in
life that might not be favourable, at least to me, but are to you. I’m
accepting everything as it is. I’ll treat everything I’ve heard of you like a
rumour; like those peddling it are merely envious of you.
I didn’t see a reflection of me
in your eyes. I didn’t want to. I treated you with suspicion and I don’t want
to find out if I unjustly did that or not. I’m satisfied of what became of us
and I will be more than contented with what you choose to do with your life.
I’m letting my mind free of you. Let me think about you when I see you.
You’ve been a nice occupant. Good
bye.
