Thursday 15 March 2018

A man’s guide to great make up for the ladies who need it most

Back in high school, there was a guy who had huge pimples dotting prominently on his face. This was one of his qualifications though. Another one was his characteristic bad handwriting. Matter of fact, that guy wouldn’t even draw a straight line with a ruler. He was himself with it. We never saw him trying to be anything else, because we never allowed ourselves to think of him as ugly. One day when we opened school, he came back with a pimped face which was basically elastoplasts that held cotton wools at all strategic points where pimples had pitched camp. After a few weeks of this complex medical procedure, the pimples successfully managed to be resistant, and grew even bigger.
A few years later, which is today, we are looking for ladies to make wives. But left, right and centre we are accosted by ladies who have exaggerated their looks, modified some of their features and hid some with moulds of makeup. We, right thinking men, have a few words for these efforts: it’s disgusting (sometimes), needless, and boring. It is not that we do not want our ladies to look beautiful, aiming for perfection is boring. As you walk around town, you encounter some badly drawn eyebrows, some which seem like a toddler was doodling with crayons then something better beckoned its attention. Often you want to laugh really hard, without being seen as a lunatic. The best option of course is to make a note to laugh when you get home later in the evening.
Why would our ladies be so focused on make-up anyway? Ninety percent (the rest are retarded) of guys do not care whether your face looking at par with those imaginary standards that you’ve set, do not care whether you eyebrows are shapely or not. Most of the times men ninety percent of the men are interested in the fact that you have a vagina, anything else is an add on, which doesn’t in any way disqualify the first fact.This brings me to the first make up guide; don’t give darn, because nobody does, unless they belong to the ten percent I mentioned above. Spend the time you would have used to make that face doing something useful with your life like reading a book to improve your intellect.
The second guide is referenced in the bible. I do not the extent to which a woman looks like god, but I think they fairly resemble. I should imagine how pissed off god is when he looks down at his creation and sees people modifying themselves. Personally I would be mortally enraged. I guess that’s why he sends morons to date these people if not psychos. And then these women will bombard us with insightful information such as men are dogs, or more scientifically, all men are the same.
If you posses a substantial amount of grey matter in your head, then you should have known from the beginning that the message I am trying to pass is; stay make-up free unless you are dating a moron, which by far that’s allowed. Also, if you are in the showbiz business it’s perfectly allowed to smear your face with those carcinogenic substances because the truth is you are trying to impress the other ten percent of the population. And for that matter, many of us have stopped watching news because all there is, is an aesthetically modified human being, which can be achieved if you do the same to a monkey, reading news. 

No comments:

Post a Comment