The Old Man's Talk

 The old man spoke slowly, 

and deliberately, 

a penetrating gazed fixed one me, 

He said "you are not depressed, 

it is a white man's word, 

an excuse of sorts, 

to create psychiatrists, and counsellors

perhaps sell drugs for Big Pharma

You are sad that you are meeting that objective, 

You are not depressed, 

You are just broke

and with a huge void of discontent inside you

you wish you could be somewhere else, 

living another life."  

you've watched too much TV, 

you've consciously let yourself to your ruin, 

you've realized your ruins 

and it is unsightly - you want a quick fix, 

a lottery - 

young man, you do not need a lottery, 

even if you get one, it won't rescue you"

Of Heaven and Earthly Bills

Once heaven looked like a good destination, 

one that you would only see when you permanently 

close your eyes, 

and a heap of soil stacked over you - of course if you are 

lucky

We believed, because we needed to believe in something, 

We needed to believe something that assures as a shred of immortality 

Who wouldn't to live forever? 

 

On Sundays, when going to church was part of the school routine 

Just like eating, we trooped to church and sung 

Our little hearts incredibly joyous 

For it was the only time you would be singled out for a beating,

at least no then, 

 Heaven was within our grasp 

Years later, we realize that no one tells you 

that you have to pay bills as you wait to go to heaven, 

and the wait is pretty darn long 

The Guy In Uniform

 He smelled of a cocktail of frustrations 

and bad decisions, 

He mulled for hours, 

He wanted to give up once and for all 

Yet he couldn't, 

because breathing is an involuntary act

and he had all his guts drained out of him. 

He rolls over in his bed, 

and waits for another day, 

to make bad decisions

The Dancer

 she's an agile dancer, 

gyrating on the edge of the world, 

she has nothing to lose, 

except leave many men with loose change, 

and with broken dreams

she carries graves inside her belly 

she's lived it all 

she's seen it all, 

and she's not reluctant to tell 

because, of many things, 

she lost her ability to care or show 

remorse.

Once A Millionaire

I have made peace with the fact that I will have completely nothing to show after a few months of being handed a million shillings. I make this declaration with a clear and sane mind, backed by the fact that laying my hands on a million shillings is realistically impossible. I am not gambling – I know there is always one winner, and it’s not me.

But then, as a self-respecting person, there is a shred of hope that someday I might land a million shillings without breaking too much sweat. People have become instant millionaires by simply being in close proximity of certain government parastatals. I could begin idling around these offices to increase my chances of being randomly selected to supply certain sensitive goods often referred to by the secret code ‘air.’

I would use a million shillings as much as the next man. I occasionally take time off my busy idling schedule (I guess the experience will come in handy when I begin idling around government offices) to fantasize about a million shillings. It is a step scientifically proven by scientists who have had more than six cups of keg.

What would I do with a million shillings? This is a question you should ask yourself. Then you make a list of priorities you would buy. Buy a car, a plot somewhere, and build a house. What will, remain, if any, you plan to travel to an exotic holiday destination, say Bermuda Triangle. If you closely look at the list, you will realise that you are completely stupid, not because that money is not enough, but because it does not involve an approved amounts of drinks and a party to let everyone know that you are the new millionaire in town.

If you are like me, I have had a little money that I have worked my ass off to lay my hands on. How did I spend it? Slowly, as I thought of something useful I would do. Didn’t the wise say that failing to plan is just a form ingenuity? Days down the line, I realise that the little money was not that little at all. At least compared to nothing, which is what I will have a week or two later.

It is then that I make a budget – no, a budget is something you make before you spend money. I make what I will call a reverse-budget. It is the process of outlining everything you bought and adding up. Often, there is a deficit that will gnaw your mind. Where did 20,000 shillings disappear to? This is the most illuminating question that reverse budgets always reveal to you.

Back to the million shillings, which, by the way, I do not have yet. I will reserve a fifth of it for an item I will term ‘where did 200,000 go’ just to be safe from the knowledge that I will recklessly spend on things I won’t need (I might code this as things that might probably kill me). That will leave me with just 800,000 shillings, assuming that the government doesn’t give me the reason of hating it more by robbing me a part it and disguising the blatant robbery with glowing terms such as taxes.

Then I will buy something that will remind me of a time when I had a million shillings. You need to do that, because everyone who has had a million shillings does it. Some pay for sex regardless of the scientifically proven fact that some girls like to have sex, for free, with millionaires. Do not do that. You have to pay for a high end hooker such as the first lady. It will give you immense bragging points that will last you a lifetime, assuming you do not end up dead in Ngong forest for your dare devil act.

I have not yet settled on something, but I am pretty sure that while I think of it, some of my close friends will lose their jobs. How, you may ask. It is simple, we will hobnob from one club to another, for one month straight. If you are my friend, you will not refuse the offer. Trust me, I am a millionaire. I could buy you another job, or idle with you by the government offices until you are randomly selected to supply ‘air.’

The truth of the matter is that I will go broke. I am under no illusions that a million bucks will serve me a lifetime, neither will I come up with ideas to multiply it. I’ll simply enlist a couple of guys (I might even tithe) to help me go broke. But then that’s not how it is, I will just be a millionaire, under the illusion that the status is permanent, treating my friends. Hell, I’ll even have a bunch of new fake-friends who will, when occasions dictate, sing me praises.

I’d like me just rich enough not to be arrogant. In the meantime, let me walk by the KEMSA offices, they might be in need of a new millionaire. I got to be ready all the time. You never know when it’s your turn.

Do No Call Me

Do not call me yet.

I have not good news

If there were, you’d have heard it

I am not yet a millionaire,

I stopped gambling, but I may start soon

 

Do not call me. 

She, who was my fiance, 

Broke up with me

As it stands, nobody will bother you 

to contribute to money for those ceremonies, 

where people will gather and cheer you 

for finally settling down 

 

Do not call me

the streets of Nairobi have had the best of me

nothing much has changed 

only age, 

probably dreams 

and expectations - all had to be adjusted.

 

Stagnant

Inside you are the grandest dreams ever dreamt 

Yet each day, you appear empty and unkempt 

The dreams are within your grasp 

But its distance stings like a wasp 

There are plenty moments of solitude 

When you pause and assess your mood 

You ask yourself whether you are ready 

Yes, the dreams even make you a little heady 

Where do you get everyday?

So far, far away 

Stagnant in a muddy puddle 

The dreams seem too much to handle