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| Sometimes there are truthful voices we ignore. |
17th October, 2013. It’s was Sunday. It’s a
wonder that you remember things that don’t really have much value depending on
how you view it. Things that are tested in exams take so long to remember when
you need to, but some events last forever. May be its time we give value to
things that we don’t easily forget, more than them being mere memories.
On this day I was heading home from Nairobi. I had never
been to Nairobi before and as fate would have I got selected to join this
school inches from land marks that really identify Nairobi. My raw vie of
Nairobi was one large concrete jungle, street after street. I was amazed to see
trees and more so a park just beside the city. Marvels from a village boy that
was me then.
I had been to every single place Nairobi, had to offer. The
night life was something I had yearned. Blame it on these cool kids from
considerably rich families. Looking back they weren’t really rich but
confident. They grew up watching movies and TV, whichever come first. They told
stories of clubbing and shit. And when we stepped into the city, having a taste
of became an obsession, the first thing to check off our bucket list. First to
Simmers Club, then a myriad of others before we got whisked out of one, at 3
a.m. Then the reality of being murdered by mongrel humans hit us as we strolled
atop Thika Super Highway to Ngara. To top it we had to climb a wall back to the
hostel considering the watchman had already slept. Then imagine doing that
while high.
It dawn on me that night life wasn’t for those whose wallets
were faint at heart. I had to redo my bucket list, strip off night life and
replace it with something more interesting, something I didn’t manage to up to
now. Still redoing my bucket list.
To truly bid bye to city, anybody from the rift will tell
you North Rift Shuttle is the choice. Early that morning, I was at their
offices ready to carry my city lessons back to my village. I booked the back
right seat. I don’t remember if it was the only one remaining or I chose it out
of my own volition. I realized it had been a mistake, later on when we had
successfully navigated our way out of the congested city. Up to date I still
wonder why there are so many people, moving unceasingly all the damn time.
You see I sat beside a couple. Judging from their dressing
they weren’t that well off but weren’t struggling. The lady was in a long
sleeved rd top and cheap jeans trouser, those that they sell by the roadside.
She was happy, that I could tell. The man on the other hand was stone faced as
if he had been forced into making the journey.
The lady kept receiving and making calls until her battery
ran off. She asked for her man’s which he did without a second thought. The
lady seemed to have a business that necessitated her instructions from time to
time. Once a caller inquired where she was and triumphantly said she was being
‘taken out’. There was a pride in the
way she said it, like she had won a wager. It seemed the man was keen on taking
the relationship to the next level.
Later the calls became scanty as the journey wore on. She’d
lean on her man’s chest and ask those questions ladies ask, in a childlike awe.
If there’s anything amazing is the way ladies ask questions. Like why is a
zebra stripped? Beb si tutaenda Mombasa?
The dude never smiled. He answered her questions nonchalantly, like he was
absent and his body was inadvertently in a Matatu, travelling to
god-knows-where with a lady it loved.
In truth I envied him. The lady was too much in love. In
this day and age it’s rare to find ladies who truly love you. Like Chris Brown
said, they ain’t loyal anymore. She would laugh in a sonorous way, teasing me
at my corner. I couldn’t help but compare mine to theirs. There was this voice
that seemed to tell me I wasn’t significant any more. I would ignore it, but it
was incessant. Trouble with our hearts is they listen more to what it wants to
hear. Right there it wanted to hear that it was deeply in love with her and she
was too.
She’d meet me at Eldoret. For the first time in the
relationship she never bothered to ask where I had reached. I didn’t too. I
only called her when I alighted. The first call went answered. Second the same.
The third time she answered in a very sleepy voice, that didn’t feign
annoyance. I had ruined a Sunday afternoon siesta. I told her I was in town,
just a few metres from where she resided. She had never allowed me into her
house and I figured out may be she didn’t want me to the subject of gossip from
her neighbours or she had another guy who had unrestricted access to her house.
I had gotten over that and wasn’t hoping that she’d change her mind soon.
She promised she’d be out in a few minutes. The minutes
turned into many. I contemplated leaving without seeing her but something told
me to wait a few more minutes. Thirty minutes later she called. She emerged
from the buildings lethargically, bound by something invisible. She walked like
someone being led to the gallows. We greeted each other like strangers, without
even a faked smile. No hugs.
She’d normally insist I stay for a while but on that
particular day she let me go. She seemed to have dished her last shred of care.
I had failed her numerously. She had earmarked her exit route and she’d do so
at the earliest opportunity. Communication became scanty and when it did happen
it seemed forced, her hurling insults then half hearted apologies, which she’d
withdraw soon after or ask herself why she was apologizing.
In all honesty, there is always a voice that tells you a
relationship isn’t right. I don’t know if its science but there exists an
element called ether that links minds. Often times we are thinking of so many
things at the same time to focus on what another person is thinking. Ever tried
calling your significant other and she tells you she was about to or was texting
you? That’s the power of minds. It communicates with another mind, and in the
case of discomfort, the other mind will tell that your minds are no longer
incompatible.
Don’t ignore that voice. Listen to it. Make your way out of
relationships that don’t work.
